Hello Reader,

If you’re raising a teen girl today, here's one you already know:
​Her phone isn’t just a device. It’s a classroom, comfort object, diary, distraction, mirror, and a portal to every emotion she feels in a day.

Parents often tell me things like:
“She’s glued to her phone.”
“We fight about screen time constantly.”
“She melts down when I take it away.”

And teen girls tell me:
“It helps me escape.”
“I know it's not good for me to scroll and compare, but I just keep doing it."
“It makes me anxious when I try to take breaks.”

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It may be tempting to approach screen time from a management angle:

“Put your phone away.” “Turn it off.” “You’re on it too much.” “You’re addicted.” “This isn’t healthy.” “You need to focus.”

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But what’s actually going on beneath the surface?​
Here are the core drivers I see every day in my work with teen girls:

1. Distraction as Coping

Phones give quick bursts of relief from stress, worry, sadness, or overwhelm. But relief isn’t the same as regulation, so the scrolling continues.

2. Emotion Regulation Gaps

Teens are still developing the skills for impulse control, distress tolerance, and self-awareness. Phones become their fastest “regulation tool,” even though it doesn’t truly regulate the nervous system.

3. Avoidance + Perfectionism

Scrolling often replaces hard or intimidating tasks (studying, responding to messages, beginning something new). It’s not laziness, it’s fear of failure or not being good enough.

4. Intolerance of Boredom

With constant stimulation at their fingertips, boredom feels uncomfortable. Yet boredom is where creativity, rest, and identity take shape.

5. Peer Connection & FOMO

Girls fear missing out or disappointing friends. Their phone keeps them plugged into social life 24/7 and that pressure adds weight.

6. Identity + Comparison Culture

Social media acts as a mirror that’s filtered and curated. It can spark validation and anxiety at the same time.

So How Do We Help?

​Read full article here​

Here are evidence-informed ways to support healthier, values-based screen use without shame or power struggles:

Shift from policing to understanding.​
Use curiosity: “What does your phone help you with the most?”

Co-create boundaries.​
Agreements work better when teens help build them.

Support real regulation skills.​
Movement, creativity, rest, nature, journalling, breathing, these teach internal calming.

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​Read full article for more ideas ​

Free Resource: Values Exercise for Parents + Teens

I’ve included a powerful Values Exercise at the end of the full article to help your daughter (and you!) reflect on tech use through a values-based lens instead of shame or avoidance.

​Read full article here​

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With gratitude,

Chantal

Psychologist| Teen Coach| Part of the Pyramid Psychology Team

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Come Make Wacky Never Done Before Gingerbread Houses With Us! The Happiness Path (THP) Hangouts

4 spots left!​
Saturday, December 6th | 12:00–1:30 PM | Social Grounds, Calgary
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A chance to do a hands-on craft that’s totally beginner-friendly, a little bit of easy movement (no pressure, no performance), and have a few laughs

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👉 Are you in? Register here​

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